Life Begins at 25

(Re-post of a blog I created when I was 26, with revisions)
 
Life begins at 40, they say. But I say, life begins at 25.

Would you agree with this- the choices we made 5 years ago is who we are right now?

If this is true, then, awareness must start at 25 or earlier so that by 30, we can already start living the life that we want.

It begins with awareness because we cannot go to where we want to be without knowing where we are now and where we want to be.

Does this mean that we should not be contented with what we have? Of course not. What I'm saying is, we should always yearn for more.

This is the advice that I encounter a lot and do my best to live by: dream big, believe, and achieve it;  never stop learning; love and laugh with all your heart so you can truly live; never, never ever miss anything (this I got from Jim Rohn); give.



Dream big, believe it, achieve it.

There was once a self-made millionaire, entrepreneur, author, and speaker who went to the Philippines and shared one of his success secrets. His name is Ty Bennett. According to Kevin Hall, Ty at age 29 already achieved what most would achieve by age 80. He dreamt, believed, and achieved. You know how he got started? He made a bucket list. I'd like you to hear from him first hand:

  
Done? I'm sure you learned a lot and I hope you take his advice to heart. If you want to learn more from him, visit him at www.leadershipinc.com.

What gets written gets done.  I made a dream book last July 2009. It's just a filler type of notebook where I allot 1 page per dream. I cut pictures from magazines or print from the net. I leave some space in the page where I can paste my pictures. It's fun making the dream book and I look at it almost everyday. Funny thing, some dreams I get even if I don't spend for it. Below are some of the pages marked "done".

Never stop learning.

We are the same person 5 years ago, except for the books we read and the people we meet. One is never too old to learn. So grab a book of your interest or talk to somebody interesting. You'll never know what treasures you can discover.

If you can't think of any book, just try to open the book that is readily available in our homes- the Bible. The Bible has a whole spectrum of knowledge, from relationship to entrepreneurship. For beginners, you can start with Psalms, Proverbs, or the New Testament.

If you don't know any interesting people, go around, meet new friends, do something outside of work, and outside of your home. Who knows, you might meet that person you need so you can accomplish the next item:

Love and laugh with all your heart. 

"Only the unseen power of love can open the hearts of men" -Og Mandino.

Love what you do.
Love unconditionally.
Laugh... 

Love - click here
Laugh - click here.

Never miss anything.   

Set priorities and commit not to miss anything.  A moment only takes a second to capture and only a second to lose. 

Have a journal so you can capture your thoughts.

Have a camera so you can capture moments.

Travel. See the world. Be present at special events. I'm not saying that you should say "yes" to every invitation you get. Again, set priorities. But when I get invited to a wedding, I do my best to attend even if it means traveling more than 8 hours just to get there. It's one of the special moments in my friend's life so I want to be there. 

Give.  

Share every knowledge, every talent that you have. Bo Sanchez, a successful entrepreneur and an advocate and proof of God's abundance shares that we have these resources that we can share: Time, Talent, Treasure. 

When we give, we realize that we get so much in return. Think of one the happiest moments of your life. Wasn't it the time that you were able to give? To share your talent, time, or treasure? The happiest people are the givers. One cannot sincerely help another without helping oneself in the process. Make every moment an opportunity to give. Give a smile to a stranger.

If you choose to be happy; cause another to be happy;
If you choose to be prosperous, cause another person to prosper;

If you choose more love in your life,
cause another to have more love in theirs.

By giving, you will then no longer be "wanting" it.
You will immediately experience "having" it.

-Barbel Mohr        

Life begins at 25. 
 
So if you are not yet 25, it's never too early to start. But, if you are past 25, it's never too late to begin.

We only have one life to live, make the most out of it. 

- Verna

Ang Dilim Ah.

So after church I went straight to the gym to workout.

During Sundays I usually see my freakishly cute crush but today I didn't see him. When I finally got over my frustration and started to focus on my routine, I saw him.

Oh my.

Hindi pa nya ako nakikita. Perfect. Kelangan ko ng drama.

Drama. We all love drama. And speaking of drama, again, perfect timing. Kasama ko si Jervin para may props. Hahaha

Ang drama: Sumabay ako kay Jervin maglakad habang nagkwekwentuhan, na di-halatang pilit syempre kahit pilit naman talaga (Well for me, since walang alam si Jervs sa mga nangyayari, ahihihi). And then it happened as I expected. Naka-titig nanaman sya when we passed. I gave him a quick stare while continuously talking para casual na casual ang dating (syempre alam nating lahat ang classic move na 'yan). He was focused. Which I like, though medyo katakot talaga paminsan. Then he checked kung sino ang kausap ko. Syempre todo smile naman ako habang nakikipag-usap para talagang pang eksena sa prime time. Hahaha.

He then went through his routines and I constantly keep tabs on his whereabouts (Keep tabs on his whereabouts, oh, magamit lang!). Ayun ganun pa din, palingon-lingon pa din sya pero medyo iwas ngayon (Insert BGM: Pasulyap-sulyap ni Tootsie Frooty Guevarra).

Oh my. Napapaisip tuloy ako baka kung ano ang iniisip nya sa kung sino ang kasama ko. Baka akala nya taken na ako at mawalan na sya ng gana mag-papansin. Oh my ulit. Ang feeling ko. Arte ko kasi. Hahaha. Dami kong iniisip 'yun naman pala deadmatology lang sya at ako lang talaga ang madaming iniisip. Pero okay lang. Ang sarap kaya mag-emote! Ahihihi. At yan ang dilemma.

 

Subway after, I tried Jervin's Thousand Island x Vinegar dressing, hindi naman masarap!

My Gym Buddy. Ang sikip na daw ng mga damit nya. Pakkkk!

 -llou

Hush

This is going to be my first entry so be warned: Drama is everywhere (First post kasi so parang general rule na dapat madamdamin, I think. My succeeding posts will be different na I promise. hehe).

I saw this crazy picture about how things were fifteen years ago and how things have changed over the years.

Eleven years old. That was me fifteen years ago. So what? The eleven-year-old me wouldn't have much of a concern in this blog, so let's move up a bit, say... ten years ago.

Sixteen. Sweet sixteen. High School Senior, when everyone wants to live like those kids from Dawson's Creek and where text messaging is on a high and owning a Nokia is a status symbol.

Who would've thought that I will be writing an entry about it ten years after. Oh my. To me ten years ago: Bitch, I know you always wanted to go to Ateneo but fate decided otherwise. You're going to La Salle! Hahaha.

Anyway enough on reminiscing, what I really want to write about is the perennial favorite topic of all. Sex Love.

Lately, I've been wanting to be in a serious relationship again. As in, serious. Like, hello, serious. As in, yeah. Hahaha. I've told some friends - Lynn, Zen, and Jervin about how I want it and how I know they also want it so what seems to be lacking that we can't have it?

Karma. Karma karma chameleon. That was my initial thought. But then again, the idea of karma can be very subjective as we always have ways to reason things out. So if it's not karma, then what is it? The movie What's your number? might have the answer for me. Well, maybe.

Sex. Yes, sex. C'mon sex is fun and it's like a normal thing to do. But then again, I'm a guy. Ruled by testosterone, yeah! It is so much fun being a guy. lol, so I guess the rules doesn't apply. For those who haven't seen the movie. Just watch it, saves me from explaining.

If it's not karma and having an active sex life doesn't have anything to do with it, then why the fuck am I still single for like three years? C'mon hindi ako pangit ah! Hahaha.

I have crushes. Oh, I have this gym crush and I feel that he has a crush on me too. Hihihi. I always catch him taking glances, wait, not glances but stares. Yes. He stares at me from afar. Well, not from afar, ang OA naman cos he wears glasses so if it's from afar parang imposible. Hahaha. Anyway, each time I see him staring at me he would look away. But after a while, he would look back and when I am not looking he would make his presence felt by walking infront of me at the same time staring at me. Quite freaky though, but he's cute so I guess it's freakishly cute! Hahaha.

So there, I don't know what will happen next to this gym crush or what will happen to my love life. But one thing I know for sure is that writing an entry on love sounds rather cheesy or corny even, than having it discussed over coffee with friends while checking out the cute barista and some hot patrons. Right bitches?

Bitches: Right!

*Oh and yeah, front act lang yun Fifteen Years Ago topic. Masabi lang. :)

-llou

Xmas Party Theme

An officemate kept me awake last night ranting about our xmas party theme. Ay wait. Not the theme per se but the manner of selecting the theme DAW. Really. Anyway, i won't go into details of what we talked about but hindi talaga siya makatulog unless maka-usap niya ako at ma-air ang side niya.

Whatever.

I'm not picking sides ha pero seriously? Losing sleep because of xams party theme?!

The moment these things...uber small things..bother you, it can only mean one thing: YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE!

Walang BUHAY = Maraming ISSUE.

And kung maliit na bagay lang ito why am i writing about it? Haha! Wala akong buhay! Haha!

-abbey

Old Wounds

Met Jeff at P. Noval last night for a volleyball game near USTe. Rode a Quaipo bus from Don Antonio. Was a bit irritated by the traffic at G. Araneta. Sobrang tagal as in. Since i got stuck in the traffic, Jeff came in earlier than me and waited for me outside McDonald's. This is the second time we've met since he came back from Singapore. Hindi ko pa nga masyado na-iinda yung pagkawala niya and he's back na. Hehe. He arrived last October 04 and i got a "Hey Bitch" text from him. Oh welcome back, double bitch! Haha. He came over the office on a weeknight and treated me to dinner at Chicboy Insular in front of BPI. We talked talked talked. If i may quote Alanis: I've never felt this healthy before. Cheesy pero totoo. It's amazing how i can be with him and not have hopia thoughts in my mind. Sabi sa 500 Days of Summer, there are things that are not routinely told and you have to earn it pa. Can i count it as a milestone that i was the first person na sinabihan ni Jeff na uuwi siya aside from his family? =) Can i also count as a milestone na i was the first person he met when he got back (siyempre aside sa mga tao sa bahay nila)? Another one? He told me his ex has a new partner (second nga lang ako)... then his eyes got teary.

The moment he saw me while he was waiting outside McDo he immediately got rid of his cigarette and came to me like a child making sumbong. He said that after cyberstalking his ex's twitter account (an activity he has mastered for about a year now) he came into a conclusion that his ex is into someone. Can i just say that I'm not surprised? Pero still how sure ka? Sabi niya: Alam ko kasi Abbey kapag in love siya. Saka kinonfront ko na rin naman. Tapos umakbay na siya sa akin habang naglalakad kami sa Espana. His eyes was the saddest eyes i've seen for quite sometime. And i've seen that eyes before. He kept saying he didn't know what to do. Sobrang nalulungkot siya. Ayaw na daw niya na siya lagi yung iniiwan. He kept asking me: Alam mo yun? Alam mo yun? We walked together until we got to the court... So this is the Kapatiran court. Kinda weird kasi it's inside a dorm that looks like a frathouse that has some shade of kumbeto. Haha. We first saw Kenneth, i said HEY (in a loud "faggy' way). Jeff just said uy. Saw Marco next who was HOTT. kaya lang the becky HOTT variation. He came to me which is kinda awkward kasi we don't really talk. He's suspiciously 'friendly' or nahawaan lang ako ni Thone na lahat ng pumapansin sa akin feeling ko automatic na may gusto sa akin?? Anyway, had to cut the pleasantries kasi Jeff wasn;t finished making kwento. We sat at the concrete bleachers away from where Kenneth and the early birds are and Jeff's eyes were welling up. I know i've seen that eyes before.

That morning, i stayed at home because i had to fix a lot of things before my dad leaves for Thailand. When i got to finish them after lunch i asked for some files from the office be sent to me so i can work from home. The files were huge and my laptop is super slow sa pag download. So i decided to view muna my other emails. I have around 30k unread messages sa yahoo mail ko. From yahoo groups nung college, to FB, Multiply and Friendster notifications meron pa rin. I have a folder for OTP 85, Pending (work-related), Autumn Willow (for literary ek ek), Lyrics (for ayun lyrics ng songs), Pix (no need to explain), Jeruh (fave emails nung high school na na-salvage ko from my b_abs18@yahoo,com na account), Nu Skin (for more past life), and College Mems (College memories which include my THESIShell moments, uber daming business cases, Food request nung AMAC ako ng Se-RVC, some Ecosoc thingies - marketing/sponsorship letters, my favorite Alyansa discussions, and KL's emails... ayun.)

Matagal ko na rin na iniiwasan balikan yung nakaraan namin ni KL. Sa tuwing inaalala ko kasi meron at meron pa rin na kirot. I think next to Paeng eto na yung issue na napapatigil talaga ako at napapaisip, 2003. 2004. 2005. But nakita ko na sa email eh. So binasa ko na rin yung mga email exchanges namin. Looking back i wish i could've handled the KL-Ralph issue gracefully and with more class. Pero siguro nung time talaga na yun ang option ko lang talaga eh ipaglaban yung nararamdaman ko. At that time i thought confronting the two of them was the best option i had and spoiling their would-be romance is the only option i can think of to survive. I remember lang na sobrang naiinis ako kay Ralph na of all places sa UP Econ pa siya naghanap ng liligawan. And i am not in any way trying to justify what i did ha pero i acted differently when i found out that Ralph had a gf in USTe (Fay ata yun) and IBM (Uno). If i remember it right, i acted in much more civiliezed manner sa kanila..actually wala naman akong dealings with them pero what i mean is hindi ko naman sila ginulo or something. Siguro nag-panic lang ako at paranoid na feeling ko sinasadya ni Ralph na taga-econ ang ligawan niya so he could show me na 'this is what you gave up' or gusto niya lang ipakita na he is winning the break up.

Sometimes life has its ways of playing jokes thru coincidences. Here i was unearthing old emails that reminded me of old wounds and now Jeff is reminding me how painful it is when you find out that your past love who you still love ay meron ng bago. Basta kapag sumasagi talaga sa isip ko yung KL-Ralph sobrang nasasaktan pa rin ako. Like nung summer last year after namin maglaro sa Club 650 tapos magdidinner kami sa Carlos Pizza sa Capitol Hills parang natanong ni Paga kung saan kami sa birthday ko. Tapos sabi ni Ralph: kelan ulit birthday mo? sa July 17 di ba? (okay lang naman na makalimutan kasi napaka-possible naman nito) pero sundan ba naman ng: Si KL Nov blah blah blah ang birthday. Okay so baka paranoid lang ako na pinagcoconnect ko yung paglimot niya sa birthday ko at yung pagvolunteer niya na naaalala niya birthday ni KL pero (again) tama ba naman na sundan niya ng ganitong banat after kong sabihan na 'uy naalala mo pa talaga' ng: Of course, i care about K. So anu pa? I remember just smiling that time. As in really smiling kasi iniisip ko if iniisip ba talaga ni Ralph yung mga sinasabi niya. Pero again masakit kapag nabbring up.

I think i also felt that way when we slept over sa condo ni Ralph after our CDSL vs NEU reunion game sa St. Vincent last month. I was taking a look at his books na naka-display tapos nageempty siya ng piggy bank...tapos sabi niya: bigay ito ni KL saka yan saka yan... Hindi ko naman tinatanong.

Months after Paeng died Ralph told KL na he wanted to meet me. I think he said it to KL nung ininvite ni KL si Ralph for NuSkin. So pumunta siya sa Octagon pero inantok daw siya sa presentation so lumabas siya at ayun nag-usap sila ni KL tapos after that he met me na. we had dinner sa Mcdo sa likod. That was the night na he told me na i should stop waiting for something that won't come. That night din i told KL bout what we talked about and she sent me this email the morning after. This is one of the emails i saw when i was browsing yesterday:

sent by: kwdacera@chinabank.ph

sent to: rbramosjr@bpi.com.ph

06/20/2008 09:23 AM

Subject: him

Abbey,

Sorry di nako nakareply kagabi. nakatulog ako e. hehe.

Abs...I think youre still not over him. Its not normal to still be affected

by him. But of course abbey, your happiness is not tied to him. I think

though that much of your sadness is caused by him. I could be wrong,

syempre.

Abbey..kwento ko lang.

Dati, parati akong umiiyak kase I was really hurt, parang i dont deserve

all the emotional distress im getting just by being connected with him.

naisip ko nga nun, ang bait bait ko naman and i wasnt really looking for

love..bakit naman of all people God has to send him my way pa. When I

came back from Tokyo, he kind of promised that its going to be different

then...but nothing changed, he still cant figure out what he really wants.

I dont think he courted someone else, siguro occassional flirtings which is

normal but i dont think he courted the girl. Youve been with him, he isnt

that person naman diba? After a few months, he came back and told me na

sorry daw and di daw pala nya kaya na wala ako...or something to that

effect..hindi ko na talaga maalala kase sobrang past na....pero I decided

na nun na, I am never going to be more than friends with him. It just

wasnt worth it. 1. i wont change religions. 2. he might be gay. 3. i dont

remember ever being just happy with him...parang may sadness na kasama

parati. 4. i figured that i could live without him kase i was only drawn to

him because of the attention he's giving me which i dont normally get kase

di naman ako friendly with boys. 5. i realized in a month without him,

that i am doing just fine and that im getting better. Ever since I started

working, wala na talagang feelings..even nung mineet ko siya for his

pasalubong from new york tos sinundo ako ni erwin after, wala na

talaga...sabi ko nga sa kanya ang theme song namin yung COOL song ni gwen.

Our story ended bago pa tayo grumaduate : )

Nakwento ko lang. Kahit anong gawin nya ngayon, di nako maiiyak. I just

couldnt care less. Actually, kaya ko naisip na youre not over yet kase

feeling ko you wouldnt say the same for yourself when it comes to him.

Abbey. God takes something or someone away from us when he feels we

deserve someone/something better and when he knows he's sending someone or

something much much better.

I remember feeling super super bothered at jealous at guilty at sakit na halo-halo when i read this. I think the letter showed me the little details KL and Ralph had that i never knew. I felt guilty that i was a major contributor of the stress that KL and siguro si Ralph were experiencing at that time and hurt and jealous to know that Ralph actually said: Hindi niya kaya na wala si KL sa buhay niya. I think yung linya na ganyan hindi siya yung binibitiwan lang basta-basta. Mabigat siya. Pati yung pagpromise na 'things are gonna be different'. Di ba? I mean ibang level na yung love na magpapamove sayo na magbago! So minahal / mahal talaga ni Ralph si KL nun. Sa puntong ito babalik na naman tayo sa GUILTY. Yung feeling na bothered naman ay bilang reaction sa: but nothing changed, he still cant figure out what he really wants. Alam ko iniisip niyo. BAD!

Tinanong ako ni Jeff what yung next niya na gagawin. Sabi ko mas maganda if makahanap siya agad ng work and focus on that. I fear kasi na with all his extra time hindi maiiwasan na maisip niya lagi si ex. I also relayed to him na it would be better not to meet with his ex anymore kasi mas masasaktan lang siya lalo na na gusto niya malaman lahat ng detalye straight from his ex. Sabi ko unnecessary pain. (Ayan sorry na ulit. I've caused KL and Ralph so much unnecessary pain at ganun din naman sa side ko pero i deserve it). Sabi ni Jeff ayaw naman daw niya kasing maging in denial. Sabi niya gusto niya pagdaanan ito ng buong-buo. Sabi ko im not saying naman na i-deny mo yung pain and not go thru it at all. Go thru it yes pero yung mag-uungkat ka pa ng detalye eh alam mo naman na yung ending parang super hindi na kailangan. Kasalanan ito ni Maricel Soriano eh. Kasi ganito yung ginawa niya nung nalaman niya na si Diether na at si Claudine sa Separada (tama ba dito ba yun? yung merong linya na gusto ko malaman saan? kailan? paano? tapos meron din: iniwan kita para makapag-isip hindi para iPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGPALIT AKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! sabay sampal ng mga damit sa pez ni deither na - take note nasa hanger pa!) Well, balik kay Jeff. Ayun. Kinuwento ko lang kung saan ako nanggagaling. Kasi napunta din naman ako sa sitwasyon na yan, Lalo na yung hindi mapinta yung pez ko nung nalaman ko yung KL - Ralph na yan. Pero inassure naman niya na hindi siya manggugulo. Good for you, Huwag na huwag. I just hope na hindi na niya i-meet si ex or magimbestiga siya ng mas malalamim kasi baka masyado ng lumalim yung sugat at yung 4/5 years recovery mo ay maging 9 at counting din katulad ng akin. Actually, i think i'll never get over it. I mean losing Ralph and all. I think the moment i forget bout it is the moment na i also lose the lesson. Siguro i can get over Ralph but losing him? i doubt. I think i dawned on me after ng lecheng piggy bank at libro incident na yan. Basta siguro gagawin ko na lang kung anuman ang kailangan kong gawin para maka-survive (na walang ginugulo).

I got to play pala with JP Torres who was super lakas na nagtatago talaga ako kapag pumapalo siya. JP is from UST and MVP siya last UAAP Season sa volleyball. He's also part nung team na nag-4peat champions. Kasama din dun si Ja Sioson who is (may Candy mag pa rin ba??) a Candy Cutie. Member din siya ng USTe. Ayun cute nga. Malakas pero mejo maliit lang pala, Or super malaki lang talaga si JP? So mejo may starstruck moment ako habang naglalaro pero i tried very hard not to be too dreamy kasi baka nga tamaan ako sa mukha. It feels so nice to see them again (Project 8 payers - JT / P. Manila) and newbies like former UST and FEU players pati na rin UST Eng'g team ni Coach Ucang, nandun din si Zeus na super tagal kong hindi nakita and siyempre my BPI teamates: Jeff, Kenneth and Mark. Coach Ucang was there din pala. Btw, this DLSU kid Gian? Hmmm...

After nung game Ucang went home sa dorm para maligo while Jeff, Kenneth, Gian and I were waiting for him sa KFC Espana. Btw, i super love Munar. I think she's one of the funniest people i know. Sobrang walang dull moment. Tapos Gian left na. Grabe he lives in Las Pinas at halos 12:00 midnight na nun. Tapos Ken U came na. So sinamahan namin si Jeff magwithdraw ng 15K tapos hinold-up namin siya and forced him to libre kami ng Mogu Mogu sa Ministop. Ayun. Ken U made kwento about his law life. Kenneth asked me about KY Gel. Haha. And Jeff ayun malungkot. Nag-usap pala kami ng mga next career moves. I think we all had this informal understanding that we will be joining Jeff soon at JP Morgan Chase! Sobrang namiss ko pala ang grupong ito. Admittedly when Jeff left medyo nawalan ako ng gana mag-ayos ng team events after JZA Cup,

We rode a taxi nung pauwi. Mula USTe hanggang sa gate namin Php200.00! Yikes. Latte-factor pero no choice, Parang buwis buhay kasi ang jeep! When i got home i got a text from Mark na namiss niya kami lahat and we should play again. Nagreply ako na Friday ulit =) Midnight Volleyball is back. Bye Bye Belly mode na naman. Then i got this text from Kenneth na super na-assure ako: Jeff and Abbey, ingat kau. May work lang tom. I miss you both. tnx sa libre jeff. pag free ulit tyong lht, more tambay. nyt sa inyo. Sometimes life has this way of reminding you bout painful past experiences. Sometimes din life has its way of re-assuring you that it compensates or gives room for what you really need. So tama rin si KL sa letter niya sa akin. At ayun pa pala. Bothered. Guilty. Jealous. Hurt... Hope. The last part of the letter gave me Hope as well.