Loc. 5092

Alam mo the best way you can move on is to have zero contact - no communication, no news, no updates, etc. That simple.

Alam mo rin almost everyone din said exactly the same thing to me. And look where i am?

Maybe kasi hindi ka nakikinig at at hindi mo ginagawa.

Maybe rin hindi lang talaga siya nagwwork.

Ayaw mong makinig.

Ayaw mong maniwala na hindi siya nagwork.

Sige nga?

Sige. Explain to me why after 7 or 8 years of not having him around i'm still talking about everything like it was like yesterday.

Oh. The Script?

Oh. Oo nga noh? Haha.

What do you mean?

When we broke up he wiped me out from his world. As in complete shift. He moved his whole world to UST then after he graduated he worked really hard for IBM. May contact ba kami nun? Technically yes. The unfriendly type of contact. Pero i hope you get my point. No contact or the mere intention of not having contact never really worked.

So what are you proposing? More contact.

Something like that. I was desperate.

Was?

I thought i could ask help from him. Discuss my fears and find out why I keep holding on.

It's kinda stupid asking him for that. I mean, ask help from someone to help you get over that same someone. Or you're just making an excuse to be close to him.

You know what's stupid? Drunk dialling someone who's not over you and ask them for help at 3 in the morning. Maybe i am. But i told you i was desperate. The distance never really solved anything.

Na-romanticize pa nga yata yung waiting game.

There's no such thing as drunk dialling.

I know. A HS classmate said that as well last night. But i didn't know he was drunk when i decided to come.

That's not what i mean. There's no such thing as drunk dialling, Abbey.

I don't want to talk about that.

Why? Because it fuels the flame?

No. Because drunk or not he needed help.

Ah. So you're still playing savior? The bearer of happiness?

I don't know how to respond to that.

You're hooked on Ralph because you still think he needs saving. That only you and you alone can love him that much.

Ralph doesn't need saving. He's been doing really well.

Up until that night. And somehow you felt validated because you secretly doubted his happiness and contentment if it's real.

I was really happy to see him again when he came back and i am really proud of what he had become (some parts), the some changes and some choices he made. He did what he had to do.

And you got hooked kasi he 'moved on' beautifully? You said it before. He's a 'have' person now and that he got it all figured out.

Yes i said that but i didn't get hooked back because of it. Alam mo are your arguing ba talaga with me? or dinudugtungan mo lang ng interpretation mo mga sinasabi ko?

Both. =)

So, where are we now?

You trying to be everything you need to be for him. When he needs saving you adjust and become the savior.

When he's doing good you adjust to become his biggest fan. I'm gonna keep on talking kasi i know you're gonna be silent after what i just said... Assuming that you are really not trying to win him back, I think what you're really doing is trying to make amends. You left him when you felt that you should've stayed and fought for him. He suffered and you weren't there for him. You're trying to be what you should have been before. And you're still living with the guilt, Abbey. And maybe you still really do love him but that is not what's most important anymore.

I was never really given a chance. To make amends.

If he doesn't give you that chance consciously or unconsciously whenever he puts his guard up that's not of your concern anymore. Forgive yourself, Abbey. Not having him back doesn't mean that you loved less. You have to let go of that thought. Truly loving him doesn't need a happy ending to prove that it is true and that it's there. Let me go back to what i was saying earlier. You've proven that you can be everything he needs you to be. Done na yun. This time you have to be everything that you need to be for yourself. What do you want for yourself?

What? Is Ralph in the context?

Kahit ano? What do you want.

I want to be Ralph's best friend?

OMG. Obesession!!!

Haha. Sorry. Sorry. Ang bigat naman kasi ng tanong. Pang-Miss universe eh parang yung mindset ko pang

Miss Krus na Ligas Toda lang.

It doesn't have to be all-encompassing. Yung gusto mo NOW. As in NOW.

Napanood mo ba yung Eternal Sushine of the Spotless Mind?

Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet? Yep!

I want my feelings to be wished away. Parang Do-Over?

I'm not a big fan of denial.

Denial is underrated. It is very useful. It can for example prevent one from committing premeditated drunk

calling. Haha.

Haha. You can't have that. You do have some close alternatives. And i know you're planning to go abroad.

Yeah. I'm just so scared i'm gonna miss out on alot of things. Pero who am i kidding? I'm here pa rin naman and yet i'm already missing them.

Yes, you'll miss out but you will also gain alot of things. Quits quits lang yan. You're not convinced??

Hmm.. Can i think about it more?

Sure. The soonest you decide the better. Remember the Goins guy? What he said? You can't change the world with indecision.

I'm not here to change the world. Ralph is my world. I can't change him.

Putang ina!

Joke lang. Pero. Hmm. Sige pag-iisipan ko. Wait.. what do i do from now on?

One day at a time. try to figure out who or what you need to be and go for it. You'll find the best version of yourself that way.

You sound like me. Riddle kaya yun.

One step at a time. Yun lang yun.

Ally had spermicidal gel. Some people have lottery tickets. I have Ralph. I need that in my life.

You're not gonna lose that by finding yourself, Abbey. What's essential will stay with you. If you think that that's an essential part of you wag ka matakot. And Abbey, wow.

Oh. Hey. Thanks.